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What did they expect? A lot of the Iraqi troops surrendered when, instead of the foot soldiers they were expecting, American tanks rolled in. Didn't anybody tell 'em that Americans never walk anywhere they can drive?

What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass? 
An Afghani mechanic!
Failed Afghan recruitment slogans: 
Be Allah you can be!
Martyrs have more fun!
Free camoflage turbans! Sign up today!
Uncle oSAMa wants you!
 What do you call a peice of sandpaper in Afghanistan? 

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon? A: "The Axis of Weasels." Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?   A. So the French can show them how to surrender.   Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?   A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.   Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?   A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.   Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?   A. So the Germans could march in the shade. Q: How many gears does a French tank have? A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman? A: Sunburned armpits. Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast? A. You can make soldiers out of toast.   Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?   A. The Army.   Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

'Twas the night before Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Iraq Not a weapon was firing, not even ack-ack; The white flags were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that Uncle Sam's men soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of freedom danced in their heads; And mamma in her chador, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the city there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a Scud, Tore open the shutters, expecting some blood. The flares in the sky, with their actinic glow Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a camouflaged sleigh, and four big-ass mule deer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it wasn't Hans Blix. In company with eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "On Warthog! on Hornet! on Phantom and Tomcat! Don't fuck with St. Nick when it comes to air combat!" To the top of the bunker! to the top of the wall! Now bombs away! bombs away! bombs away all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So right over Baghdad the coursers they flew, That sleigh, full of Jarheads, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each mule deer hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in camo, from his boots to his hat, And to and fro, in his hand, swung an aluminum bat, A bunch of grenades he had stowed in his sack, One he tossed into the air, then gave it a whack His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! As the grenades soared like hawks out of their eyrie! Flew out of my window and across the street, Forcing the Republican Guard to retreat. The stump of a stogie was held tight in his teeth, And the smoke of it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a big bandoleer, chock full of napalm That he took out and rubbed on his mouth as lip balm. He was muscled and svelte, a right deadly old elf, And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his chore; Pointing out Saddam for the men of the Corps. "I know where's he's been sleeping, now so do his foes." And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose; He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and we own the night! And when he'd drawn all the fire from Baghdad below. The Marines he'd come with snuck in Saddam's chateau, They left coal in his stocking, then cut off his head, And left it beside Uday, asleep in his bed. We awoke in the morning with troops everywhere, passing out chocolate to the kids in the square, Christmas trees in our houses, with presents galore, And the word on the street was "Santa's hardcore".

These colors don't run the world. One nation under surveillance. How did our oil get under their sand? Go Solar, not Ballistic. Who Would Jesus Bomb? Start Drafting SUV Drivers Now. Don't blame me, I voted with the majority. Buck Fush! It's NUCLEAR, not NUCULAR, you idiot! Resistance is Fertile. (Pictures of sheep carrying flags) Stop Mad Sheep Disease Now. (UFW sign) Pick Fruit, not Fights. (On a five year old) More Candy Less War. Say can you see my democracy? (With pictures of Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld) Asses of Evil. It's the oil, stupid. War is expensive, Peace is priceless. Read between the Pipelines No More BuSh. Smart weapons, Dumb president. The only thing we have to fear is Bush himself. How many Lives per Gallon? Patriots are idiots! Matriarchy Now! Peace Takes Brains Anything war can do, peace can do better. Negotiation Not Annihilation. Another patriot for peace. Drop Bush, Not Bombs Oh Say can You Cease? Star Spangled Bummer Don't Arm a Son of a Bush Don't do it George, Dad will still love you. Power to the Peaceful The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years.